The drive home was scary. It was excruciating mainly because I was afraid of the pain from being jostled more than it really hurt. By the time I got to my house, I was exhausted, more from the mental stress than the actual pain. But I was still ready to be in familiar settings. When I got home, I was pleasantly surprised to find that my sister and my roommate had cleaned my room for my arrival (I am shockingly messy at home). My roommate helped me get settled, and I immediately took some pain medicine. The pain meds were a combination of pain medicine and anti-nausea medicine. It also knocked me out. I put my APAP mask on (to use for my sleep apnea) and pretty much passed out.
The next couple of weeks were a medicated blur almost as fuzzy as the hospital stay but not as bad. A few important things stick out in my mind, though. My little brother and sister took turns helping me in the hospital and out. My older sister had a surgery around the same time as well, so they split their time between us. Good kids. My roommate was a life saver. She really did everything she could to make me comfortable. Everyone was great about trying to help me.
But sadly, what I remember the most about this period of time, was the misery. And I truly mean MISERY. The first six weeks after gastric bypass are critical. The body has just gone through a severe trauma and can only take a little bit of fluid at once. A very specific diet is required. There are three basic stages: clear liquids, full liquids, and soft foods. Clear liquids include thin protein drinks, broth, and water. Full liquids include soups, thicker protein drinks, and yogurt. Soft foods include mashed potatoes, oatmeal, and eggs. There were obviously other options, but these are just examples. I really wouldn't feel hungry, per se, but the urge to eat felt overpowering. I obeyed this diet strictly, however, but the mental toll became obvious quickly. I cried watching television almost every fifteen minutes because every commercial break contained ads for foods I was convinced I would never be able to eat again: subs, pizza, burgers, even fried chicken. I missed flavor and the feeling of real food in my mouth, but even drinking my protein drinks made my stomach hurt. I didn't experience too much nausea, enough to need my medicine, but not enough to be sick a lot. But my stomach did hurt. I was weak and tired from the surgery and lack of nutrients, but weight had already begun to melt away. I had already lost 11 pounds two days after being home. With the pre-op diet, that was a total of 21 pounds. I tried to prepare myself for the mental strain of not coping with food, but the reality turned out to be much more difficult than I had anticipated. I started walking up and down my street in short bursts to help deal. It helped. A couple of weeks after my surgery, my mom convinced me to stay with her for a while and that REALLY helped because it was distracting.
Weight was melting off. Before the end of July, I had dropped between 2-4 dress sizes depending on the cut of the clothing. So I struggled, but rejoiced. Hope began to glimmer. This was really working. I was really losing weight. And I had an opportunity to completely remake my life. I knew I needed to change my whole lifestyle. I needed to eat out much less. Cut out almost all fast food. Add exercise as a normal part of my routine. But I had an opportunity to change a lot more than that. I could change my whole attitude toward life. It was time to get ready for a new me and that meant no more sitting on the sidelines. It was and still is a scary thought at times, but exciting and motivating.
